Thankful/Grateful?

As Thanksgiving approaches, I’ve been thinking about the distinction between being thankful and grateful. On one level, they may seem interchangeable - and in fact, I have probably often used them that way. On the other, there is a difference and understanding that distinction may be the key to feeling both.

In short, it appears that feeling thankful is ”typically a more immediate and situational response to a specific benefit, whereas gratitude is a deeper, more profound, and lasting attitude of appreciation.”

Reflecting upon this last week where I drove over a thousand miles, spending time away from my wife and children, visiting schools and bookstores, catching up with extended family, and even finding myself in the emergency room, I have a new found understanding of that distinction.

I was thankful for those who came to my bookstore events and bought America Gives Thanks. I am grateful for all those who have made my improbable journey as a children’s author possible.

I was thankful for those who helped organize my school visits. I am so grateful for the opportunity to share my story and love of books with the over one thousand children who were so present with their curiosity, questions and cuteness.

I was thankful for my mom, brother, sister, and in-laws, who dropped whatever they were doing to take me in while on the road, to share a meal or a meaningful conversation. I am grateful for their selflessness, shared history, and love.

I was thankful that I had the opportunity to use the drive to have a long conversation with my oldest friend. I am so grateful for his lifelong friendship, honesty and vulnerability.

I was thankful for all the nurses, physician assistants and doctors who treated me after I had an allergic reaction and infection to a spider bite that spread rapidly and could have been even more serious than it was. I am so grateful for a medical system and insurance that allowed me to find care hundreds of miles away from my home and for all those who developed the medicine and protocols that are improving my condition.

I am thankful for the stolen moments my children gave me via phone calls and FaceTime in between school, hanging with friends and doing homework. I am so grateful for my three girls who are beautiful, kind and considerate in so many ways.

I am thankful for all who take the time to read this. I am grateful to everyone who values my writing and provides me with encouragement, kind words and even financial support, to keep going.

And finally, I am so thankful for my wife and all she did to pick up my slack while I was away. From walking our dog three times a day, driving our three girls around from place to place, getting food on the table, handling whatever invariable need or stress ran through our house any given day, checking in on my while I was sick, and probably a hundred other things I don’t even know about but just needed to get done. All the while juggling (and no doubt crushing) what I am sure was a busy week at work before the holidays. And yet, I am even more grateful for her unconditional love and support; the fact that she believes in me even when I always don’t believe in myself; the fact that she didn’t even question a weeklong trip whose primary reward would not benefit our family - financially or otherwise - but others.

As noted, this past week, I have a lot to be thankful for. But for my life, I am just so grateful.

For some, feeling thankful may come easier. It is second nature for them to always recognize and acknowledge the person who holds the door or provides some small act of kindness.

For others, feeling grateful is more natural. They regularly sit in a place of awe and wonder with what the world has given them.

One is not inherently better than the other. Both are among the most wonderful feelings we can experience. However one without the other can be problematic.

To be thankful but not grateful, means that our appreciations for others can be situational or transactional: i.e. “What have you done for me lately?”

To be grateful but not thankful, means that we may take for granted the everyday kindnesses that others do for us. Potentially leaving them feeling unappreciated.

So as you sit around the Thanksgiving table, be thankful for those who have provided or prepared the food or passed the potatoes. But also take the time to be grateful for those who share their love with you everyday and in so many ways. And of course, always share those feelings of gratitude or thankfulness with those who made them possible.

Thank you all and hope you have a Happy Thanksgiving. I am so grateful for all of your support.

This Week’s Recommendation: If you’re looking for a Thanksgiving exercise in appreciation to do by yourself or with your loved one, consider filling out “Your Dream Team.” It provides simple prompts for you to write down all of the names of people who have helped you in big and small ways.

Consider sharing this with someone you are thankful or grateful for.